Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Contest Junkies Are Sick People

(title is also link to audio of call)
Listen 24 May 2005 10:22 am

The best thing about being in love...with someone is, that just when you think know someone is when you really get to “KNOW SOMEONE”. My Woman, which from this day forward I will refer to, as “Paula” is a how do can put is a …Contest-O-Holic. Yes, those endless hours she spent online I always thought was being used for some ordinary sickness like, porn or Ebay. Last year to my utter horror and shame, I discovered the ugly truth.

It all started with a simple request to go to office depot and pick up 500 envelopes. My face clearly expressed my curiosity.

“It ain’t Christmas. Wuz up,” I asked?

“Sigh, just get them ok,” she answered?

“Sending out resumes,” I asked again?

“Look, have a seat we need a talk,” she replied. Uh-oh I thought experience tells me nothing good has ever started with this phrase.

“Look I’m tired of living a lie,” she started.

“Ok,” I gulped.

“I’m into contest in a Big Way,” she came back.

“Define in a big way” I reacted? This one those silly moments in a relationship when you begin to evalute all the things you might have done wrong.

“Do you still love me," I ask quietly?

“Sure as soon as you get back with those envelopes.” So it goes.

So it began the yearlong journey, sharing the death “by a thousand paper cuts,” tongue and finger, prepping her entries. The feverish all night chat rooms swapping strategies and intelligence on alleged “soft targets” in the twisted world of retail contest. The endless loser letters, the hours scanning and re-scanning winners list in the senseless hope that buy some cosmic mistake she really won.

I watched her break out into a cold sweat, trying to casually read addresses to win an authentic 1/16-scale model NASCAR Winston truck, as I pumped gas (Sigh). I was there for the bottomless depression, as she read the never-ending flow of “sorry try again” tickets, form letters, and bottle caps arriving every day. I was there for the development of some pretty neurotic rituals that she assured me would bring us luck.

Sidebar; there isn’t enough space to begin to describe the fights over her puppy like joy at the sight of the mailman.

And of course I was there for the manic highs with every the free 2 liter Coke win, or free packet of Tide, that arrived in the mail. “I’m a winner,” she cried with this girlish glow on her face.

Then the day I feared, and all casinos are built on, came. “The Juice”, “The big Mo”, that win that changed her from functioning user into a full blow addict for good, a “four figure” win from Pepsi. The entries doubled, she was in the grips of the beast. It’s true what they say money won is better than money earned.

But last night was the last straw. Even as the bumper music played she called the radio show Loveline, in an effort to sneak to the front of line to win an ipod shuffle. (We already have a bigger one) Suddenly the phone clicks in “Hello Loveline…” to which she had to improvise a question about… a (gasp) “Dirty Sanchez” to hide her true motives (hear loveline feb 28 2005)

So its time to put my foot down, enough is enough. Then again is that the mailman I see?

Sunday, May 22, 2005

test test test

a test to see if this free hosting works

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Hello Kitty?

Hello Kitty?
Originally uploaded by "CAVE CANEM".

Three things you don't know about me.

1) From time to time I foster animals to make up for past sins...

2) I'm a dog person.

3) These two fellas almost made me a cat person.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Your Last Tax Free Coney

2005/05/11 Your Last Tax Free Coney
Originally uploaded by "CAVE CANEM".

We'll, well, well, the brain trust that run my failed city has finally found a way to turn things around... more taxes! This will of course bring that young hip crowd, small biz and restaurants, back to the inner city. You may have heard of this being joked about in the national press its called the "fat tax." This will be the first city in the union to tax "fast food". (fast food to be defined at later date)

Big Deal you say Stick it to McFoods and Burger Despot. Well the truth of the matter is most them have long ago abandoned our fair city. By far the most plentiful grub-n-go enclaves in the city are the "coney joints". Yes NYC has their NY strip, Chicago has the deep dish pizza, Heck even LA has the California Cuisine, We have the "Coney" a hot dog with bad chili and dehydrated onions on it. Don't get me wrong I'm A big fan of Coneys, scarfed down tons of them. Mostly after baseball games. The big attraction you ask? They usually run about 99¢. Two for a dollar on Tuesday.

"The great leader" has told us this will only add two cent to the cost of burger truth be told its a 2% tax which if you buy a couple of those $6 Happy Meal for you kids this could add up. "The Coney Guys" are gonna take it on the chin. If you know anything about the restaurant biz their profit margin is only about 2% because of spoilage and employee turn over cost. More importantly there is already a 6% tax on all restaurants so the "Coney Joints" get hit with a 8% tax. Never mind all those property, biz, state, and sale taxes, all before they put a dime their pocket if there a dime left.

Oh yeah, did I mention there also a 3% tax to work in a city where few want to live in. That sucking sound You hear is the sound more jobs, businesses, and citizens moving to the burbs. Idiots!! (deep sigh)

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The Sublime and The Ridiculous

2005/05/01 Listen Up Brother, While I tell You...
Originally uploaded by "CAVE CANEM".

First, I am not making this up...

Not long after finding Buddhist prayers on the freeway, I was confronted
with a roadside religious display of a different type. Soon after I left the same freeway and parked, I ran smack dab into a man I've only seen at a distance, Howling at wind trying to sale his message to the people.

Who is this you might ask? We'll in my town like any town there are certain festivals/event like the Jazzfest, thanksgiving-day parade, etc, where there can be over million people attending. And where there is a crowd there is always the
"Abortion Guy," he's the guy who rents the billboard trailer to tow behind his van at the Dream Cruise@. or walks our 4th of july fireworks with an Sandwich board, Bullhorn blaring. This pisses people off.

What was strange about this encounter there was no festival, no teeming crowd, just the Abortion guy, sign in hand, on an empty street, with his van,... and me.

For the second time in day I was blind-sided by "Ones conviction on display"

AG: Standing with his sign making sure I get the full effect,
"are you my brother in Christ?"

Me: Eyes locked I stand mute for a few second before responding,
"May I take your picture?"

AG; Still looking me in the eye,
"I thought so...sure."

I documented the moment because, it was in such contrast, in execution and tone, with the one I had just had on the freeway. I couldn't just let it pass. Then I was and was on my way.

Europeans/ non Americans will find this issue/images baffling. So let me give the cliff note version of what's going on...

Some Americans believe your Humanity (and all the rights to exist)
begins at conception.

Some people believe your Humanity begins at birth. (once you leave
the woman's body)

The CHOICE of Americans to wrestle with, debate and, compromise with, these two fundamental beliefs was snatched away in 1972 by our Supreme Court. It is the law of the land, there will be no debate, there will be no town meeting, There will be no vote, you will accept this in all cases at all times. This pisses people off.

Actually, I don't think anything pisses Americans off quicker.

This also released a storm of unintended consequences of which were still reaping the whirlwind. Buildings are being bombed, Incest crimes can continue for years more with a quick visit to a clinic, and the Republican Revolution!!! (circa 1994-until???)

I believe there is a simple way outta this mess allow the people to vote... let people gut check then decide were they and their community stands... I hear this is what "they" ( or elected officials) did in Europe, and this its not an issue there.

Until then many of us will simply turn the corner one day and be greeted by the Abortion Guy. Sign in hand. Howling at the wind.

I'm just happy I didn't find a bloody coat twenty yards away...


*** Warning! the high strung and the weak of gut, Don't look
at the third image in this set ***

Monday, May 02, 2005

Wa wa What!!!

Wa wa What!!!
Originally uploaded by "CAVE CANEM".

Freeway Flock

There I was no shit, moving down the freeway at 80 mph when I caught a blip of an unnatural urban color out the corner of my eye, I had to investigate...

After negotiating the loop of death to get off and on the freeway again. I pulled over to the side of the road to find three cranes stuck to this bridge support.

How bizarre someone stuck three origami cranes on the concrete pillar. It's Common here for people to leave roadside shrines to those loved ones who have passed in bad car accidents.

But I don't know if this applies here... no stuffed animals, no photos, no flowers, just these Hindu prays on their wings. Blessing the bridge who knows.

Note; On one of the wings were the words "Gods judges us according to our deeds not the coat we wear. "

Less than twenty yards away there was a abandoned coat lying on the road...


...I don't Know.


The devil is just one man with a plan, but evil ... true evil is a collaboration of men which is what we have here today. If I am a guilty man, my crime is in daring to believe that the truth will out ... I believe it still. Much as you try to bury it, the truth is out there. Greater than your lies, the truth wants to be known. ...It'll come to you as it's come to me, faster than the speed of light. -agent Fox Mulder